The comedian Dave Chappelle does a riff in which he asserts that you know a man is famous when if someone performs fellatio on him, then that person becomes famous.
Chappelle used former White House intern Monica Lewinsky as a case in point.
I was reminded of Chappelle’s riff when a parade of women appeared in articles in tabloids and magazines and on TV gossip shows after alleging to have had sexual relations with golf legend Tiger Woods.
No one would care about any of those women were it not for the famous man to whom they so desperately cling.
Surely, Tiger would fire those women if he could, the same way he fired his former caddie, Fluff Cowan, for extreme publicity-seeking away from the golf course.
Perhaps Tiger will also fire his swing coach, Hank Haney — not only for publicity-seeking, but also for poor results.
Were it not for his association with Tiger, Haney would not have had his own so-called reality show on The Golf Channel last year, "The Hank Haney Project: Charles Barkley."
Each week, on this prime-time program, Haney attempted to fix the massive hitch in the golf swing of Barkley, the basketball Hall of Famer. Whether or not Haney succeeded doesn’t matter. Barkley is merely a recreational player.
What matters is whether Haney can fix Tiger’s now-broken golf game, particularly his shockingly errant tee shots.
Even before Tiger withdrew from today’s final round of The Players Championship in Ponte Verde Beach, Florida, with what he believes is a bulging disc in his neck, his game bore no resemblance to the one that made him the sport’s dominant player.
Tiger was never a contender at this year’s TPC, one week after missing the cut at the Quail Hollow tournament in Charlotte.
And with 2010 Masters champion Phil Mickelson playing superior golf, Tiger’s hold on the world’s No. 1 ranking has become tenuous at best.
Perhaps not coincidentally, Butch Harmon, who coached Tiger during his most successful years on the pro tour, now coaches Mickelson.
Some golf analysts, including Johnny Miller of NBC and Brandel Chamblee of The Golf Channel, fault Tiger and Haney for changing the swing that made Tiger so great.
Tiger holds the driver differently, with his thumbs down instead of wrapped around the club, Chamblee argues.
Tiger’s follow through is not nearly as smooth as it used to be, asserts Miller, a former U.S. Open champion.
Miller also says Tiger should spend every night watching highlights of himself winning the 2000 US Open at Pebble Beach by a record 15 strokes — paying strict attention to how he gripped the clubs and swung them — because that is the finest golf Miller has ever seen.
Of course, Tiger still suffers from the humiliation of being outed as a serial philanderer. But his golf game, especially his awe-inspiring tee shots, used to be above reproach.
Not anymore.
Tiger needs in his corner not a reality-show seeker, but a truly devoted coach who can resuscitate a limp golf game.
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